Endings, Beginnings & In Betweens
by RizzoliNIsles77
Summary: This story is based off a dream I had. It's *not* fanfic, in the sense that it's something I would like to happen on the show or otherwise. Solely based off the dream. This is NOT an active Jane/Maura story. It's only J/M based in flashbacks. This is placed something in the future, as I will be using some scenes from the show in flashback sequences.
1. Chapter 1 - Maura's End

**_Author's Notes - THIS IS NOT A JANE/MAURA STORY. Just wanted to clarify this before you read any further. If you're looking for a story of Jane and Maura being a couple, this is not the story for you. You may hate me after reading this chapter, but I promise it will be easier if you stick with me. Please leave reviews, because this is my first time writing a fanfic, and I'd love to see it through. I need your help and encouragement to do that. - Me_**

When I walked in the room, all I saw was black. Black hats, black shoes, black clothes. I knew people were staring at me, but I could never look them in the eye. To do that meant tears falling, ever falling. I couldn't allow tears any more. They displayed too much vulnerability. I found a spot in the corner, away from the mingling crowd. This visitation wasn't for my benefit, but for the actual family. Her adopted parents stood on the other end of the room, talking to our colleagues. To the untrained eye, it seems the parents are intrigued by the conversation, hearing what our colleagues had to say about her. To my trained detective eye that knew the real story, they couldn't care less. They never knew their daughter like we did. They never would fully comprehend what she meant to us. Every minute of every day, she was a bright spot in the room. To them, she was just another person in the house they rarely frequented. Another mouth to feed at the table they never used. Having enough of the torment, sure that I had fulfilled my duty to make my presence known, I started to leave the room.

"Jane?"

Really? Couldn't people see I needed to be left alone? I turn around to see Korsak heading my direction. After giving him a small smile, I usher for him to follow me out of the room.

As we exit the room and head outside, Vince puts his hand on my arm, stopping me in my tracks. "Hey. Are you okay?"

I stare off into the night, the headlights on the freeway keeping my attention. "Define okay. I just lost the person that's most important to me, other than my family. And even then, I think she surpassed some of them. I would have laid my life down for her. It should've been me in there, not her!"

Korsak puts a hand on my shoulder, offering his for me to crumble. Not being able to hold it in anymore, I turn and sob into his jacket. How will I ever survive without her? My whole life, world even, seem completely empty without her laughter in the air.

After a while of letting me cry, Korsak gently led me to his car. "C'mon, Jane. Let's get you home."

On the drive home, I thought I was finally past the point of crying any more. Little did I know, walking into my apartment was going to prove that there really is no end to tears. On the walk up to the door, I felt like I was in a fog. My mind was stuck in limbo, between the past memories and trying to make sense of what has happened in the last few days. I think it was becoming overwhelmed with the effort of attempting to explaining the unexplainable.

My plan was to walk in the door, take off what was absolutely necessary before falling into bed. The only thought that made me feel better was that tomorrow could be no worse than the last three days.

As I unlocked my door, my thoughts were on bed. Within two seconds of opening my door, tears were threatening to spill over again. The first sensation was the smell of Maura's perfume. Memories flashed through my head of her getting ready for work like any other day.

_"Maura, where's my ..." I asked as I frantically looked in all my spots._

_"In the closet. I put it away for you when I saw it thrown on the couch." Maura said from the bathroom, as she put on her makeup. _

_"Thanks, babe. What would I do without you?" I said with a wink as I grab my shirt from the closet._

_"Probably live in a pigsty." Maura said matter of factually._

Though the memory almost brings a smile to my face, tears sting my eyes, knowing she was gone. I'm afraid to step farther into my apartment. The sheer number of things that make me think of her are enormous. I take a second to collect myself, try to stop the tears from escaping. Taking a deep breath, I walk in.

As I take my jacket off and put it away by habit, I see hers next to mine. As I run my fingers over the expensive material, a memory flashes through my mind.

_Twirling in the chair in Maura's office, I finally broke down and asked, "Maur, can we go home soon?" _

_"Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" She said distractedly as she pecked away at her computer. "It's not even quite 5 o'clock yet." _

_I spared another look at the clock. I swore it is moving at the pace of a turtle. Or is it tortoise? Not sure which one moves slower. Either way, it's moving way too slow! I tried to wait patiently for my girlfriend to finish her paperwork. _

_"Okay, almost done. One more quick note and... Done!" No sooner were the words out of Maura's mouth than I was on my feet and dragging her towards the door. "Hey, at least give me a chance to grab my jacket!" She said with a laugh. I reached around her, threw the jacket over my shoulder and started walking towards the door. _

_As we reached the car, she asked "Are you going to tell me what this is all about? I'm really curious." _

_"Nope, sure not. Surprises are kind of ruined, if you know about them beforehand."_

_As we headed back for the apartment, I started drumming my fingers to the beat in my head. "Jane, stop that! It makes me nervous." A smirk formed on my lips as I started drumming to a slower beat. _

_As we walked into our home together, I dropped everything and started leading Maura into the bedroom. "Isn't it a little early for that? I mean, we just walked in the door." I put a finger on her lips to quiet her, and continued to lead her to the bedroom door. I paused for dramatic effect before opening the door. As I led her through the door, her eyes adjusted quickly to the box on the bed containing the jacket. She looked at me curiously and opened the box._

_"Jane!" She said in a gasping breath. "Jane, you shouldn't have! This must have cost you a fortune! What... why... how?" _

_I turned her to face me, placing both hands on either side of her face, give her a long kiss. "This, my dear, is a present. The present is for no reason at all except that I love you more than life itself. How? Well, that I'll just keep to myself."_

It wasn't often I would surprise the love of my life. That was usually her doing, not mine. The one time I surprised her the most was when I bought her this coat. She wore it for days after that, never wanting to take it off. Even when she did finally take it off, I would catch her running her hands over the material.

Taking a deep breath, I close the closet. Walking through the living room, my eyes catch a glimpse of the couch. The big pillow mocks me, laughs silently at me. So many nights, so many hours of sitting on the couch together, cuddling while watch television.

With tears stinging my eyes yet again, I continue towards the bedroom. All I need is sweet unconsciousness to forget the horrors. I quickly walk through the hallway, past the pictures of us on the walls. I try to ignore them, knowing I couldn't handle that yet. Opening the bedroom door, I see her glasses on her end table, along with her latest book of choice with a bookmark in it. Her shoes all nicely lined up along the wall for easy picking. Finally, I collapse in bed. I just want this pain to end. I want to wake up from this horrible dream. I hug her pillow, tears finally escaping as her scent fills my nostrils. Weeping until I couldn't breathe, until my eyes hurt from the salt in my tears, I feel like I could sleep for months. My body finally screams for mercy as I slip into unconsciousness.


	2. Chapter 2 - New Beginnings

**A/N - Thank you for being patient with me. I love writing, but I get distracted so easily, it takes me a while to finish a chapter. I'm also going on vacation next week, so that will put me behind also. Thanks for sticking with me after the depressing last chapter!**

I wake with a raging headache. I feel like I haven't slept in days, even though I had lost consciousness some hours before. The ever-present empty hole in my chest is the second thing I feel. The first thing in my head when I wake every morning is the same thing that's in my head as a fall asleep, if you can call it that, every night. Maura. How long has it been since she died? Six months? Seven? I honestly don't know. I lost track of weeks, days, even hours a long time ago. My only saving grace is the calender in my kitchen. I wish I could go back to the day before. I wish I could have told her so many things. If I had only known it would be our last day together, things would have been so much different.

_Jane couldn't explain why she felt in a bad mood. It seemed that anything anyone did just irked her to no end. She tried to stay in bed as long as possible, so she wouldn't snap at Maura this morning. She got ready as quick as possible to meet her at the car. No use in making us late and having us both in a bad mood._

_The beginning of the ride was silent. Maura drove, watched the traffic while I simply stared out the window at the moving horizon. _

_"Are you feeling okay? You slept so long, I wondered if you were going to get up at all. Is your stomach upset? Head hurting? Sore anywhere? Could be a sign of sickness." _

_I simply shook my head, answering all the questions in one movement. I couldn't even open my mouth, form any words, without fear of saying something to hurt her more than not speaking at all. I felt her hand on my leg. Even if I'm not the happiest person right now, that still never fails to bring a smile to my face. I glance into her honey-hazel eyes and see they're full of worry. I put my hand on hers, intertwining our fingers, and gave a quick squeeze. I can't stand the look of worry on her face, especially when I know I'm the reason it's there._

If only I had only known, I would have said "I love you" with every breath I had. I would have stared into her eyes the entire way to work, so I would never forget. Hell, I may have missed work all together, just to spend the day with her. If only I had known.

Finally, I summon the strength to get out of bed. Not having been actual family, I wasn't granted a long leave of absence from work after Maura died. Still, the department understood. I had been back at work for a few months now, but it was never the same. I felt like I was going through the motions, just trying to survive the day. As I get dressed, go through my normal morning routine, my thoughts rarely leave thoughts of her. I'm not on the verge of tears when I catch a glimpse of something that belonged to her, but the ache in my chest is still there, always there. It helps me know I'm still alive. Grabbing a cup of coffee, I run out the door.

* * *

As I walk into the office, it looks like it does every day. People bustling around, quiet hum of conversations. Something feels off, though. I can't quite place it. A quick sweeping glance through the room doesn't seem to pick up anything different. As I walk my desk, I steal a glance at Frost sitting at his desk. He doesn't look me in the eye. Why doesn't he look me in the eye? Maybe he didn't see me.

"Hey, Frost, why the glum look?"

He looks at me and quickly looks away, mumbling something indecipherable.

I see Korsak in my peripheral vision. "G'morning, Korsak!"

"Jane." Between the look on his face and the tone of his voice, my body suddenly feels like ice. "Jane, there's something I need to tell you."

I suddenly feel claustrophobic. I look around, trying to find an escape. Korsak takes my arm and leads me to an interrogation room. Without the prying eyes, I feel I can breathe a little better.

"Jane, it's about Maura. Or, rather, the person that shot her. They're back." My body begins to shake, the room starts to darken. I grasp on the table to find balance, hold on to reality.

"H... how? How do you know? What are they after?" I can barely form coherent thoughts, much less words. I thought that nightmare had ended. I thought I was going to find some sort of balance in life again.

"A letter came, addressed to you. The return address had Maura's name, though it wasn't in her handwriting. Knowing you're still recuperating from her death, I took the liberty of opening it. There was a letter inside. All it said was 'It's not over.'"

Scenes from that day flash through my mind again. The confusion, the sounds, the emotions. It's all playing like it's happening all over again. If only I hadn't froze. I couldn't move. Something felt so wrong, so out of place. I couldn't place it. I was the one on the rescue mission, but I couldn't move until I placed my discomfort. Then I watched Maura race into the open lot to grab the fallen child. Her compassion overriding her instincts. Then, as if in slow motion, seeing her pick up the child and turn. I saw the determination, the hope in her eyes. Hope for the child's rescue, saving the child's life. Then the bullet, coming from nowhere, hitting the child, causing them both to falter. Suddenly they both fell. I yelled so loud, it didn't seem like my voice. Not caring anymore, I raced towards them. As I pull the child's dead weight off Maura. I see the blood spreading on Maura's clothes. No longer the child's blood, but her own. The bullet went clean through the child and into Maura's chest. All I could do is hold her, waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

The tears won't stop, can't stop. Reliving that day so many months ago, my heart shatters. I can't help but feel like I'm watching Maura die in my arms all over again. As I return to the present, I notice I'm no longer sitting at the table. I'm sitting on the ground in near hysteria. Korsak is holding my arms, trying to call me back. As my focus becomes sharper, his grip lightens.

"I can't do this. I can't go through this again."

"I know. I know you have a lot of vacation and sick time built up. I'm demanding, not requesting, you take a leave of absence. At least until this is cleared up. You need to step away from this case and let us handle it."

As his words sink in, I start to feel defeated. I've never felt unable to handle my job before. Slowly, I nod. Even I have to know when to throw in the towel. I hear Korsak getting up off the floor. I look up to see him offering his hand to help me up.

"I'll leave you alone so you can calm down. Your leave of absence starts right now."

* * *

As I walk out of the precinct, the tears are threatening to spill again. I can't stop shaking, even though it's warm outside. I'm not sure I can handle this. I'm not sure my heart can survive. The ever-strong, ever-put-together Jane Rizzoli died along with the love of my life. My world shattered with that one bullet. Now, it's starting all over again. As I sit in my car, my tears spill over. With it being in the middle of the morning, the parking lot is deserted. My body shakes as a sob.

Finally, I'm able to somewhat see straight to drive. I'm not sure if I should go home, where memories will surely assault my every sense, or somewhere else. Everything in me and around me is so messed up. I can't pinpoint what I want, what I need or what I crave right now. Every sensation only lasts but a split second before another assaults it.

Afraid to go home, I start driving aimlessly. Even here, in the car, driving familiar streets, the memories come. I see Davios up ahead. Probably one of the best nights of my life...

_As I walked into Davios behind Maura, I could see all eyes turn to us. Why wouldn't they? She's the most beautiful creature in the world. While I know this is true every day, it was exceptionally true that day. I had asked her to dress in her best top-notch clothes that night. Tonight was going to be the biggest surprise of them all. I slipped past Maura to get to the host. "Rizzoli, party of two."_

_"Ah, yes, Ms. Rizzoli. Right this way, ma'am."_

_I took Maura's hand as we follow the host to the table. I can sense the pairs of eyes discreetly watching us walk past. My heart swells with pride, having this heavenly creature be mine. _

_As we sit down, I watch as Maura finally takes a chance to look around the restaurant. "Wow, Jane, this place is really fancy. Nothing like the places you usually pick." Finally, her gaze rests upon my face, registering my fidgety hands. Her eyes squint, her head tilted in the way I love. "What are you up to?"_

_With a gleam in my eye, I just smile. As the waiter approaches to get our drink order, it gives me a bit of a distraction. I feel like I'm about to break out in song and dance. I'm near positive that would NOT go well in this place. Maybe the Dirty Robber would just laugh and play along, but I'm pretty sure this place would thoroughly kick us out and never let us come back. I've had how I think this night will go planned out in my head for weeks. Now that it's here, I've started getting nervous._

_Temporarily distracting me from my nervousness, the server returns to get our drink order. After he leaves, I maintain small talk with Maura while looking at the menu. I make sure to to steer the conversation away from the purpose of the expensive location. Although my stomach was in knots, I still knew I had to eat something. Finally, I decided on the Asparagus Ricotta Tortelli. When the server returned with our drinks, we placed our orders. I watched him walk away before I looked back at Maura._

_"So, when do I find out the purpose of all this?" Maura says as she waves her hands, taking in the environment._

_"Patience, my dear, is a much needed virtue." I say with a gleam in my eye. ""It will be greatly rewarded, I promise."_

_With a resigned look on her beautiful face, she nods._

_I take a deep breath. "How have I been so blessed, lucky beyond measure, to be with a woman like you? I'll never quite get it." I feel myself starting to get emotional, so I close my eyes. "But I will never take it for granted. It will ALWAYS blow my mind. I love you with my whole heart, soul and mind."_

_Finally, I get the courage to open my eyes. As I fully expected, tears have filled Maura's eyes to overflowing. "Honey, I... I don't even know what to say. That was beautiful." I blush and smile, not sure what else to say. She takes my hands and looks into my eyes. "All I will say is 'Thank you.' That means the world to me."_

_When the food came a few minutes later, we were still in the exact same position. Reluctantly, we let go of each others' hands in order to eat._

_After we finished the meal, we sat for a few minutes, letting our food digest. "That was absolutely the best meal I've had in a long time. For whatever reason, I thank you."_

_Almost too full to move, I knew I had one more thing to do. "I need to use the restroom. Be back in a few minutes." I kiss her hand as I get up to leave. As I walk away, I can feel her watching me. Guess it'll have to wait til I'm on my way back._

_As I leave the restroom, I run into our server. "Can you bring your best champagne to our table in about 5 minutes?" I hand him something from my pocket. "And slip this in my companion's glass."_

_With a nod, he says, "As you wish, ma'am."_

_As I approach Maura, she's gazing in the distance, mindlessly playing with her food. "What's happening in that big brain of yours, my dear?"_

_As her eyes come into focus, she smiles. "Just thinking about you and how lucky I am to have you."_

_"Always a good thought process." I watch out of the corner of my eye as our server approaches with the wine._

_"Ma'am, as you requested."_

_"Jane! You've done so much tonight already! You didn't need to get wine as well!"_

_I just grin and start pouring. As I lift my glass to toast, her eye catches the sparkle in the light of her glass. With an audible gasp, she clutches her hands to her chest. I get up from my chair and fish the ring out of the glass. As I get down on one knee, Maura's eyes fill with tears. "Maura, the love of my life. I meant every word I said earlier. I love you more than life itself. I can't imagine living a moment without you. Will you make me the luckiest woman in the world and marry me?"_

_With tears streaming down her face, she nods. Then, softly at first, growing in volume, she repeats, "Yes! Yes, I'll marry you!" I slide the ring on her finger and get up to hug her. The entire restaurant bursts into applause._

When my mind returns complete focus on where I'm at, I realize I'm at a bar. I go inside._  
_

* * *

I'm in the middle of an intense conversation with my fiance, Karen, when a movement at the door catches my eye. The dark-haired woman that walks in stops me mid-sentence. When I saws her walk in, I know there's something about this woman. Karen turns to find what's stolen my attention. This woman is looking around for a spot to sit. Our eyes meet for just a split second and the hairs on my neck stand up. She continues on to sit across the room.

My eyes turn back to my fiance and the I shake my head. "Crazy. I just got chills. As I was saying, I'm tired of trying and trying, just to fail every time. I'm not sure I can cope with another letdown."

Karen takes my hand, "I know, honey. I feel the same way. But we have to keep trying. We both really want this."

I feel my eyes start to fill with tears. "But what if we can't? What if there's a medical reason we can't have them?"

"Then we'll just go to plan B. There's always other options."

Wiping away my tears, I nod. "I'll make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow."

**A/N - As always, reviews are always appreciated. **


	3. Chapter 3 - New Friends

**A/N - It was brought to my attention while writing this chapter that I hadn't made it clear that the POV changes and caused some confusion. I apologize for this. Throughout the story, it's mostly Jane's POV. There are some cases, as with the beginning of this chapter, that it's in Jackie's POV. Jackie is Karen's partner, whom meet up with Jane in different parts of the story. Usually, a page break signifies a change of POV. Also, I have gotten, at most, two reviews per chapter. This is a little disheartening, and probably plays a big role in me not posting the next chapter for so long. Reviews really help encourage me to write faster. Song referenced in this chapter is "Lost" by Little Big Town. I also forgot to acknowledge my reader, JoBethMegAmy, for my first two chapters. I had a friend not on FF read for my third chapter, but still want to acknowledge her. With that said, here's Chapter 3 - New Friends. ~ DJ ~**

Karen and I sat down at the gynecologist office awaiting the test results. The most nerve racking part is the damn wait. So many conflicting emotions run through you. Karen and I just sit there, silently holding each others hands. There really aren't any words to say. Finally, the doctor walks in with a dejected look on his face. My heart sinks into my stomach as Karen's hand grips mine harder and my chest tightens.

"I'm so sorry for this news. There isn't a good way to say this. With the information you provided with the last visit in regards to your medical history, I had the test run. The test results came back and Jackie has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, otherwise known as PCOS. It's a genetic condition that causes the follicles that normally burst, causing the blood to release in the menstruation period, to be prematurely stopped. It forms cyst-like formations in the ovaries. Twenty to seventy-four percent of women become infertile because of this. I strongly believe this is the cause for the previous attempts at getting pregnant have failed. I've printed off some information about the condition and ways you can treat it."

A sob escapes as my dreams come crashing down around me. Since I was a little girl, all I wanted was to be a mother. I feel Karen's arm slip around my shoulder and I lean into her shoulder. I hear Karen and Dr. Abernathy talking, but can't make out anything. The word "infertile" screams repeatedly in my head. As my sobs finally subside, Karen hugs me harder. Dr. Abernathy hands me some tissues as they catch me up on the conversation.

"There are a couple options you have. There are millions of children in need of homes in the US and around the world. Adoption is a much needed service to both the families and the children without parents. Karen was telling me about your dream of carrying a child. I think your best option is invitro fertilization. We impregnate someone else's egg then insert it in you. It's very costly, but you would be able to carry your child."

My heart races as my dreams reform and become anew. The dream of carrying a child could still be reality. Karen squeezes my hand as the tears leave my eyes and a new light replaces them. "That definitely sounds like the best option. What price range does it usually cost? How do we go about choosing donors? What's the success rate?"

"There are a couple options with donors as well. And it will affect the cost. You can get anonymous sperm and egg. You would look through profiles of the people that donated and pick one. or you can do both privately or one privately and one anonymous. With private donors, both parties know each other, know the medical history and settle on their own price range. If you do it anonymously, it can run into the thousands of dollars per attempt. As far as success rate, the percentage of live births resulting from fresh eggs is fifty-five percent. Live births resulting from thawed eggs is about thirty-four percent. There are a number of things that can affect the success rate. I can get you information on that or you can look it up yourselves. It's up to you."

Karen and I look at each other with big grins. Our dreams aren't over after all. My mind races through the people we know that could be potential donors. Karen and I get up and shake the doctor's hand. "We have a lot to think about and discuss. Thank you so much for seeing us. We'll be in touch when we decide what to do."

As we head for the car, my step has a skip to it. The words of the doctor are running through my head. It is disheartening to know I can't create my own baby, but the invitro option gives the closest experience to that. But, as he had said, there were millions of children already needing homes. The drive home was fairly silent, both of us processing our own thoughts.

* * *

I wake up to the sunlight brighter than usual. Without work to get up for, I'm able to sleep in. Usually, my body wouldn't allow me to sleep in this late, but I had trouble falling asleep. I tossed and turned for hours on end. The face of the woman I barely glanced at last night seemed to be in every dream I had. There was the dream with Maura, myself & this woman sitting on their couch. The dream of the three of us walking through a park. The dream of the three of us at a playground. Though only whispers of the dreams remained, it still troubled me so much that I couldn't fall back asleep for a long time. With that face haunting my memory, I get out of bed. As I get in the shower, I think about everything I had to do today. I honestly can't remember the last day off I had with no plans. I really need to call Korsak and make sure he keeps me up to date on the case that caused me to have days off work. The case that resulted in Maura's shooting was still open, precious little to progress it along, causing this case to not have much to go on. I also need to clean up the apartment a bit. Since Maura died, it has slowly gotten messy again. I'm ashamed, because she kept this place immaculate. It was nice, knowing everything had a place it belonged. Knowing I would walk in the door and it would be clean. There were always little touches of Maura's presence when it was clean and shiny. Now that it's slowly turning back into the apartment it was before I started dating Maura, it feels like that presence was disappearing.

As I walk the hallway to the kitchen, I glance at the pictures on the wall. With each one, pieces of memories flood my mind. The vacation to the mountains, the hike in the woods, chilling on the couch, dancing in the rain. That one had to be my favorite. There's never a feeling quite like dancing in the rain with the love of your life. Everyone should experience it once in their life. My chest tightens as I realize I'll never experience that with Maura again. The picture captured Maura in mid-spin, arms outstretched, face raised to the sky, eyes closed, the raindrops hitting her face and arms. It was the picture I was most proud of. A lot of my pictures had an amateur quality to them, but this one was perfect.

With rain falling in my head, I continue on into the kitchen. I start the coffee pot and pick up the kitchen while it makes the coffee. I start rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, thinking about how much I hated cleaning. Once I get started, though, it's not too bad. It was a necessary part of life, unfortunately. After I finish the dishes, I wipe down the counters as the coffee pot finishes. I pour my first cup and inhale the smell. There's not a smell that compares to the first cup of the morning.

As I head towards the door, I glance at the picture of Maura in the rain one last time. If I could relive one day with her, that would be the one. While walking to the car, those memories linger. My heart hurts for the time lost. She had so much life ahead of her. I had so much life left with her. Now we'll never know what our future holds.

As I enter the coffee shop where I'm set to meet Korsak, my eyes sweep through the room. My gaze freezes on the face from my dreams. I see there's a brunette woman with the dirty blonde. I walk up to them and smile. "Have we met before?"

"I don't think so. I saw you at the bar the other day, but we hadn't actually met." said the blonde. "My name is Jackie. This is my partner, Karen." and points to the brunette.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jane." While introducing myself, I see Korsak walk in, looking around. "Hey, my boss just got here." I pull out one of my business cards and write my cell number on the back. "Here's my card, call me if you guys need anything. Here's the number to the police station where I work as well as my personal line and on the back is my cell number." I hand it to Jackie.

"Thanks, Jane! I'll text you in a bit with Karen's number and mine so you can add us to your phones."

"No problem. Nice to finally meet you two." I say with a smile as I turn to leave.

I can't quite shake the strange connection I feel with these two.

I sit down with Korsak and the waiter comes to get our drink order. I can tell Korsak looks a little uncomfortable, but we just small chat until the drinks arrive. After we order our food, the waiter leaves us alone for the time being. I look Korsak in the eye and ask, "Alright, so why are you so nervous? What's happening with the case?"

"I hate to bring it up, but I need to ask again. It's been a few months, but do you remember anything else from the night Maura died?"

Even though I knew it was coming, it didn't make it any easier. When Korsak said her name, it's like a bullet going through my heart. I'm able to keep the tears back until I have to relive the memory in my head. I try to see it with my cop-eye, but as hard as I try, all I see is Maura falling with the child right before my eyes. In that moment, everything else melted away.

"I'm sorry, Korsak, nothing else comes to mind." I say as I wipe away my tears. Reliving that moment will never fail to make the tears fall.

With compassion in his eyes, he said, "It was worth a try. You know I wouldn't have asked anything of you unless it was necessary. Especially that."

"I do know. You have a job to do. A very hard job at that. If, by some miracle, something comes back, I'll let you know." Just then, I see the waiter come with our meals.

As we start our meal, the conversation becomes more light-hearted.

After we finish, I head out the door and see Jackie & Karen at their table finishing up. With a wink, I say "Care for an escort to your car? Can never be too careful on these streets."

On the drive home, the hole in my chest remains from revisiting the memory. I turn on the radio, trying to distract my mind. Whenever something was bothering me, the only things that helped was music and sleeping. While driving, sleep wasn't much of an option. As I get off the highway, the music washes over me, soothing my soul. I feel the pain lessen just a little as a smooth song beings. As my mind clears, the lyrics coming from the speaker float through my mind. Suddenly, my heart stops as certain lyrics caught my ear.

_I'm so lost without you_  
_Baby, I'm so lost without you_  
_I'm so lost without you_  
_That I can't find myself_

_No it don't seem right_  
_This canyon of lonely lying in our bed_  
_Lord how I've cried a waterfall of tears _  
_Until my eyes turn red_  
_Ever since you left me_  
_It's been like a bullet through my heart_  
_And I know I should move on_  
_But I don't know where to start_

The words hit me like a freight train. My emotions were already on the verge of breaking. The song was the touch needed to break the dam. When I can no longer see the road through tears, I have to pull over. The tears come flooding out, sobs escaping from deep down inside me. Would this ever end? It's impossible to move on when memories keep dragging me back to that moment. As the tears finally slow down, I turn off the radio. If I had known my dam would break with the touch of a song, I never would have turned it on in the first place. In silence, I drive home.

When I get home, I feel spent. All I want to do is crawl into bed and escape reality for a few hours. Music didn't help distract me at all, so all I could do to stop my mind from torturing me was sleep. As I fade into sleep, the scene replays.

_We're on the streets looking for the kid reported missing. The anonymous tip said they saw him near a field. Coming from across town, Frost and I hurry to the scene. As our siren is blaring, I hear more and more sirens as we get closer. It seems there are sirens coming from all directions. I park the car, joining in the caravan of police vehicles. As I get out, I spot Maura, but need to find out the plan. I find Lt. Cavanaugh by looking in the cluster of other officers. _

_"Hey, what do you need me to do?"_

_"The child is in the field, but tied to a tree. We're trying to figure out the plan of action right now. We're pretty sure it's a trap of some sort." _

_"You need someone to run out and get him, right? I can do that. I was one of the fastest runners in school. What else do we need?"_

_"Some sort of protection. If the other officers form a ring of some sort, it can cover the officer grabbing the child."_

_"But that would put all of the officers in danger for the safety of one officer."_

_"And a civilian."_

_"Is that still worth the risk of all the officers? They could easily eliminate the entire squad if we do that."_

_Frustrated, he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "Then what would you suggest, Rizzoli?"_

_"Your concept makes sense, just not with the unprotected officers. What if we used our cars to surround me and the kid?"_

_Looking around, I take in my surroundings, looking for where a threat could be hiding. The wind rustling the trees nearby makes it hard to look for movement in trees or brush. As my eyes finish sweeping the horizon, a nagging feeling has me wondering if I missed something. A certain group of trees in the distance catch my attention in the second sweep. As I'm trying to focus, Maura approaches me and wraps her arms around me. _

_"Nice to be with you out on the field, Ms. Rizzoli. Wish it could be difference circumstances, though." As we both look at the terrified kid looking back at the group of us, she asks, "Have you and Cavanaugh made a plan of action yet?"_

_"We're going to set up a ring of protection with police vehicles surrounding me and the kid, as I run into the field and grab him."_

_I watch as my fiancee's eyes fill with tears. Her voice sounds like it's about to crack as she says, "Does it have to be you? Can't it be another officer? I don't want to lose you, if this goes wrong."_

_As I push away my own fears sounding in my head, I hold her tight. "I have to do this. I'm one of the fastest runners on the team. I'll have protection surrounding me and I have my vest on. What could go wrong?" I smile as I echo her own question voiced so long ago, while we were tracking down an arsonist._

_I see her expression change as the memory of the fateful day that almost ruined our relationship plays in her head. In a moment of confusion, I had shot her mob-boss father when he shot another officer. With a tearful smile, she hugs me harder and whispers, "Don't get made." As she takes my hand, we walk to my position. _

_Off to my side, I hear Cavanaugh say "Ready, Rizzoli? Everyone's in position." I tense up, ready to sprint. I feel Maura tense up as well, still holding my hand, prepared for my running. I know her heart is as filled with fear as mine is, but I can't take that into consideration when I have a job to do. The child needs me as much as Maura wants me to stay back. I take another look in the horizon when I see a flash in the trees across the field. It wasn't enough to tell what was in the tree, but there was definitely something there. Something was not right. I pause with baited breath, eyes focused on the trees. I have no idea how long I've been watching the spot I saw the flash, but I heard Maura whisper, "What are you waiting for? The child looks frightened. He needs you!" I remain silent as I focus on the trees. Suddenly, I feel Maura's hand slip from mine. _

_"Wha- What are you doing?!" I whisper frantically. _

_"Getting the child. He's terrified." _

_Before I have a chance to form the words needed to warn her, she's off like a rocket. Stunned, I watch as she unties the kid and makes a run back to us. A look of victory is in her eyes, focused on me as she's running towards us. Then I see her stumble, as the bullet pierces through her and the child._

Drenched in sweat, I wake up to my own screaming. As soon as my heart stops pounding out of my chest, I reach for the phone. "Korsak? Sorry to wake you. I remembered some more about that day."

**A/N - I've been waiting on my reader and she hasn't given me the final go ahead, but I made all the changes she suggested before, so I'm going to go ahead and get this out there. I am already working on Ch 4, so it def shouldn't take this long. Sorry about the wait. Again, reviews make me write more at a time. Without reviews, my motivation dies and I never force myself to write. A half-written story is no story at all. If you have any suggestions, guesses on what's coming or any criticism, let me know!  
**


	4. Chapter 4 - Moving Forward

_A/N - So sorry it took so long to post this. I'm working two jobs and my reader can only read on weekends, when she remembers. My day job has just passed its biggest holiday of the year, so hopefully I'll have more time to write. I've decided to clearly mark in the story if the POV changes, instead of using the page break. I think that can easily cause confusion, especially if someone doesn't read the A/N beforehand. Hope you enjoy the chapter! _

_Jane's POV:_Under no other circumstance would I be standing here. After that day, months ago, I never wanted to see this place again. But, yet, here I am. Only one reason alone, no, make that two, that I would be here. One, to reclaim what was taken from me and two, to catch the person that did this evil deed. I stare across the field at the spot I last saw Maura. Though sadness grips my heart, anger and vengeance are stronger in me now. All before looked hopeless, now the team is trying to move forward.

I turn back to the group of trees. Unsure what we're looking for, we try to find any kind of abnormality. Anything, such as a broken branch, cut fence, some clothes. I'd even go for some gum right now, just to catch this bastard. We did luck out that they picked a spot that isn't used often. Though I'm full of energy and adrenaline, I have to look with eagles eyes. I can't miss anything. The entire squad feels the loss, but too many people out here looking would be too much. Plus, we can't afford to not have the man power out on the streets. That left me, Frost and Detective Williams scoping the scene. We've been out here for an hour and have yet to find anything. Frustrated, I kick the tree. As I lift my head to scream at the heavens, I see a glimmer of something in the shaking leaves.

"Hey Frost! C'mere!" As he approaches, my eyes stay fixed on the spot. "I see something up there. Do you see it?"

As his eyes focus where I'm pointing, he shakes his head. "I don't see anything. Sure you saw something?"

I roll my eyes. I may be determined, but I'm not delusional. "Of course I'm sure!" I kick the tree again and point at the spot. "See it now?"

Frost squints and realization dawns on his face. "What is it?"

"I don't know, but I'm fixing to find out." I put a foot on the tree for leverage as I jump to reach the lowest branch. When I finally reach the branch, I put on fresh gloves and reach for what I saw gleaming in the sunlight from below. I put the piece in the evidence bag. At last, the time isn't looking like it was wasted. As soon as I zipped up the bag, my phone rings. I quickly answer, "Rizzoli."

"Hey, Jane. It's Karen, from the other night. Can you meet me and Jackie at her work? Someone broke in."

"Sure, what's the address?" After verifying the address, I hang up. "Hey Frost, take this back to Cavanaugh? Something's come up."

"Sure, no problem."

I nod and head to my car. When I arrive, I see Karen and Jackie standing outside.

"Hey, thanks for coming so quickly."

"No problem. what do we have here?"

Snapping out of her daze, Jackie hugged herself and answered, "I was coming in for work and realized the door was ajar. I didn't go in, but called you instead"

I nod, "You did the right thing by calling me. If you went in, there's a chance the perp could have gotten to you. Let me walk through and make sure no one is inside." I put a comforting hand on her arm as I walk towards the door. When I walk in, everything looks in place. As I walk closer to the back, I see stuff thrown around, some looked like it had been picked through. My ears tuned in to the smallest sound as I walk towards the back room. It looked like all hell broke loose once I got there. Not seeing anyone or hearing anything other than my shallow breathing, I return to the front.

"All clear. Want to come check it out?" Karen and Jackie both nod and start walking towards the door. "Karen, why don't you make a list as Jackie names off things she notices missing?" I give Karen my notebook and pen.

They pause at the door and Karen gives Jackie a hug. "It'll be okay, we can do this together."

My heart breaks a little watching Jackie look at the mess. It looked bad enough in my perception, I can only imagine what it looks like from hers. My eyes fill with tears when I see her break down after walking into the back room. Karen has to support her so she doesn't collapse. After she inventories as much as she can, we all walk back into the warmth of the sunshine.

Jackie takes hold of Karen's hand and asks me, "Do you have to go back to work right away or can you come over for a few minutes?"

I glance at my watch, "I can hang for a bit. I'm technically on leave from work, but I do need to check back into the office later today. Shall I follow you guys?"

On the way over, I call Frost to get an update on the evidence.

"Dropped the evidence off to the lab. Still waiting on results. Korsak said to give you a pat on the back for your good eye."

Pulling up to their house, I look around. The neighborhood is nice. Their house wasn't outlandish, modest really. I pull up behind Jackie's car and get out as she and Karen exit her car. Jackie looks like she's feeling a bit better, but still shaken up. I walk behind them, watching their entwined hands swinging. I miss that feeling, Maura's fingers wrapped in mine, her thumb rubbing my hand subconsciously. Before the sadness can overcome on me too much, we're at the door. Walking in, I glance at the front hall. There's a big mirror and a couple scenery pictures on the wall. I stop and look at the pictures. "Did one of you take these or they store bought?"

Karen walks up next to me and looks at them as well. "I took them on our last vacation to the lake. Are you into photography?"

"I have dabbled in it, but not seriously. It's hard to pursue any hobbies when my job is so demanding. Usually on vacations, the rare down time at home. I used to mainly take pics of my fiance, Maura. She passed away a few months ago." My voice catches a little as I mention her passing. Jackie wraps me in a hug and Karen puts a comforting hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry to hear. What happened?"

"The police force was on a case trying to save a kid. She went to fetch the boy and a sniper shot her and the boy."

"Crazy. What happened with the person that did it?"

"We're in the process of identifying the perp. I was actually on the scene when you called. Had just found some evidence."

Karen squeezes my arm again. "At least you're able to move forward in the case."

"Yeah, it's a journey, though."

"Change always is."

The three of us continue to the living room. I take the offered seat and sit in the recliner, while Jackie and Karen take the couch. Karen grabs a candle from the end table and lights it. "I always like a candle lit when I'm in here. Makes it more relaxing."

"I hear ya. Candles are almost magic, bringing the calm in the room."

"If it's not too hard for you, we'd love to hear more about Maura." Jackie says as she entwines their fingers again. Karen is quick to add, "But you don't have to share, Jackie's curiosity gets the best of her sometimes." Jackie smiles sheepishly, "It's true, I'm sorry."

"No need. It's a fair question. I brought her up to begin with. She was the Medical Examiner for the State of Massachusettes. We met years ago on the job. We were good friends, best of friends, for a long time before we started dating. It was kind of hush-hush at first. We weren't sure how our coworkers and bosses would react. Turns out they knew long before we told them."

They both nod in understanding. "Our friends saw us together before we even saw it."

"I proposed to her at one of her favorite restaurants a few months before she died. One of the happiest days of my life. I was just thinking about it the other day."

"That's so sweet yet tragic at the same time." I smile, "Yeah, it is. thanks."

An hour later, I'm heading back to the precinct. I walk in the room and applause breaks out. I hear scattered cheers and congrats from around the room. The first lead in months of an old case is a breakthrough we all need right now.

"You're supposed to be on leave, why did you return to the squad room? We already have the evidence processing."

At this comment, the entire squad room was all ears. They knew it must be related to the case and really important for me to go against orders. They wanted to find the killer almost as much as I did. The room is completely silent as I walk through.

"I missed your smiling face, Cavanaugh." He scoffs. "Okay, I just wanted to update something on my computer. I won't do any work, I promise." Cavanaugh gives a curt nod. I head back to my desk. As I sit down, I look at the picture of Maura and me that I was just recently was able to look at again. As has become my custom, I kiss my fingers and put them on Maura. I wake up my computer to update my file on the case. This wasn't for the official file, but my own personal thoughts and discoveries along the way. As I finish, I shut down my computer and stand up. Once again, I kiss my fingers and touch the picture.

On the way home the next day, I drive in silence once more. Though I haven't had a breakdown since the other day in the car, I don't want to risk it. I can feel myself getting stronger every day, now that there has been progress in the case. I feel like celebrating, even though it's not as big as solving the case. As soon as I get home, I call Jackie.

"Hey, how are you guys?"

"Not bad. Just relaxing at home while Karen is out. What's up?"

"I felt like celebrating the movement on the case we're making. Do you and Karen want to meet me for dinner?"

"Sure! Sounds great! I'm sure it'll be fine with Karen. When and where?" As we finish setting up dinner plans, I flip through the mail. My breath catches when I see an envelope with familiar handwriting.

"Everything okay, Jane?"

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine." I say, distractedly, "I'll see you two tonight." As I hang up the phone, my eyes transfix on the envelope. It's postmarked months ago. It must have got lost in the mail. I rip the envelope open to see what the voice from the grave has to say.

"Jane, I wanted this to come to you in the most unexpected way. Not for any reason that is customary, but just because it is. Even in your bad moods, worst days, I can't imagine life without you. I love you more than you can ever imagine. I can't wait to see what our future holds. Love you forever, Maura."

If there hadn't been a chair right behind me, I would have landed on the floor. My legs lost all strength. I sat there staring at the letter for what seemed like forever. She said she wanted it to be unexpected. This definitely was that. I could almost hear her laughing in the other room as she wrote this, imagining my reaction. She was always about surprising me with little things. After reading the letter again, I put it back in the envelope. As I glance at the microwave clock, I realize I need to get ready for dinner.

As I walk into Davio's, I look around at the few tables occupied. I see Karen and Jackie in the corner. As I head to their table, I overhear part of their conversation.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? Can you think of anyone we know well enough to ask for help? It's a pretty big deal to ask for eggs and sperm."

"I think it's the best option in terms of your dream of carrying a child. I don't know if it will ever be fulfulling to merely adopt. I don't want to raise a child with that burden still on you. It wouldn't be fair to us nor the child."

A memory flits through my mind from years ago, before Maura and I had started dating. We had just finished a case. Maura and I were relaxing on my couch. We were imagining what life would be like if we had kids with some people from our high schools. Maura said she wanted to freeze her eggs, instead of having kids in the prime of her career. As I approach the table, they stop talking to greet me. "Hey, I overheard part of your conversation. Are you looking into having a baby?" I ask as I sit down next to Karen.

"We're discussioning options. In vitro and adoption are our options. We've tried sperm donors in the past, but they weren't successful. Then we found out Jackie has PCOS, which caused her to become infertile. I had to have an emergency hysterectomy when I was younger."

"Wow, that really sucks. How long have you been trying?"

"About three years. My dream has always been to have kids. In school, when the other students were discussing what career to have, I always chose the mother route. Now, finding out I can't make my own has been devastating. I'm just glad our technology today has ways of overcoming something like this."

"Are you leaning more towards adoption or in vitro?"

"We're still on the fence. There's a lot to think about on both sides."

"Maura and I hadn't really discussed kids, but she had mentioned before we were dating about wanting to freeze her eggs. When we got engaged, she went ahead and froze some of her eggs just in case we decided we wanted kids in the future."

"That's a good idea. Life changes all the time, it's good to prepare."

"We're glad you called us to help celebrate. The case must be really hard to work, with how personal this has hit home with you. We're really sorry all this happened."

"Thanks guys, it means a lot. My life has been in a fog for months and it's just now starting to get clear again. It will be a long process, but at least it's moving forward."

After another hard squeeze, Jamie gets our waiter's attention. "With that said, lets get celebrating!"

The rest of the evening passed with plenty of laughs, a few tears and a lot of getting to know each other. As the evening came to a close, I walk the girls to their car, hug both girls and bid them a good night. As I walk up to my car, I find a note on my windshield. I open it to see a typed page with just three words. "Help me - Maura". Instead of sending me into tears, it pisses me off. My detective sense kick in. My ever-present gun on my hip, I'm prepared for the unexpected. I scan the garage, looking for any sign of movement. I hear a soft "shit" and start walking slowly in that direction. As I get closer, I see someone in a hoodie sneaking between cars. I start running in their direction and they start running the opposite directionl. All that food and alcohol earlier did not do well for my running speed.


End file.
